WHY MEN SHOULD NOT OWN PARROTS

This from Rick Christiansen , Edited ( there was some confusion as to which poem was his)

WHY MEN SHOULD NOT OWN PARROTS

A big Amazon Grey, that’s what I’m not going to have.
The blank, feral countenance almost too much to bear.
Like looking into a mirror.

They live a long time,
such a commitment.

My friend had one once.
It went on a rampage.
Repeatedly.
Like a confused, angry midget
it turned everything over
and then did it again.
Finally, exhausted, it sat confused.
Wondering why so much effort led to so little effect.

The mood swings are the hardest part.
A man needs stability.
And they bite.

You must feed them
every day.

And they will send scattered
seed husks to the floor
that may cause you to slip and fall
if you are not careful.

They are always hungry.

I have read that you can leave on the television.
The noise and light provide some stimulation
while you are away.

When you do arrive home, they become excited
and they try to hide their emotions with
kung fu kicks from the perch.

Waiting for you to make the first move
toward reestablishing a relationship that has diminished in your absence.
Even if only for the day.

They are related to the dinosaurs
and seem afraid of the same extinction.
That is why they cling to your shoulder
Waiting for you to whisper your secrets to them.

They like repetition.
It makes them feel secure.

You must know what they need without being told.
Or, they become waspish and aloof.
Or, sometimes solicitous,
like a child who smells the candy in your pockets.

It is exhausting to be the object of such anticipation without direction.
No wonder you delay your arrival longer each day.

Perhaps a parakeet or cockatiel
light enough to perch on your finger
will suffice?

Certainly, one of those would be harder to notice
when you are tired and do not wish to attend?

Where there is less weight, there is less gravity.
And the tantrums are smaller.

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7 Responses to “WHY MEN SHOULD NOT OWN PARROTS”

  1. what does “Tunalez grande paco de bratina” mean? Hoping thats a good thing…..manthestorm

  2. It was just a made up phrase that Rick used to say back in the day. It always made us laugh. Another was, ich bin ein chrome dinette

  3. oh man i was searching for that, had no idea what that meant and could assume the worst, haha thanks for commenting back

  4. it was a weird poem today, haha….im glad that you found something in it….

  5. I don’t know if you know RIck, I followed the link from facebook. Haven’t seen him in ages. Anyway – great site

  6. Oh my, great poem!

  7. Rick Christiansen Says:

    Thank you sir! Consider it a cautionary tale to always go for the prenup…

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